Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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