I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
