i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
