these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
