i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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