Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She told me I should be a condom model.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
