Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
