Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
