He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
