well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
