as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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