May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
