Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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