worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
