Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
