never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
