I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
