sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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