apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
