Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
