I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
