OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
