yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
