Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
