can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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