I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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