if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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