YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
