You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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