Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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