I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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