Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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