don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
