We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
