thus making me awesome and them whores
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
