Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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