ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
