Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A bitchslap is in order.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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