i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
