just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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