He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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