What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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