My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
