Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
