yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
