I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
