I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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