Can i not drive my cunt home
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
