I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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