Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
