I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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