I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
