so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
