just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So squirting runs in the family.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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